#200 Celebrating 200 Episodes: The Truth About What’s Holding Young People Back Transcript

THIS IS AN AUTOMATED TRANSCRIPT… PLEASE FORGIVE THE TYPOS & GRAMMAR! xo-Lisa.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 0:00
I’m Lisa marker Robbins, and I want to welcome you to College and Career Clarity, a flourish coaching production. Let’s dive right into the 200th episode of College and Career Clarity.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 0:20
Welcome ladies, so excited to do this with you. 200 I did not know 200 I know somebody one time told me, like, some staggering statistic about, like, of all the podcasts that are started, the ones that make it even into the double digits are like, I It’s like 4% or something crazy like that. I’m not going to start quoting start quoting things, because I’ll get male correcting me. But you know, here we are. So we are here with our team. I thought, You know what? I always with these special milestone episodes, try to think of a way to celebrate. And I thought I want Vicki and Kayla on with me. So let’s just each introduce ourselves a little bit. Our listeners, I’m going to trust. They don’t need to my introduction. Kayla, go ahead and introduce yourself.

Kayla Lane 1:11
Yeah, I’m Kayla. I answer all of the inbox. So if you ever have a question or anything, login assistance. I will be the one to help you there.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 1:21
Yeah, I should say, like, Kayla’s on here. We’re gonna focus on the trends that we’re seeing and how things are going in this episode with those that we’re supporting. Like, what are the themes that keep popping up? And Kayla, as our Client Services Manager, she said, You know, I’m in the inbox. She has Vicki was just saying, probably more conversations with families even than Vicki and I have so Kayla lane, welcome to the show. First podcast ever. Vic, welcome back. Third time. Go ahead and introduce

Vicki Weisbrod 1:56
yourself. Starting to think maybe I should get my own podcast. I don’t know. Yeah, you should do that. Not I’m Vicky Weisbrod. I am school counselor by day for a while, and career coach, Career Clarity coach with flourish, having a ball, getting to know in different ways, getting to know students on the other end, you know, towards the end of high school, and focusing just on careers, and it has been a

Lisa Marker-Robbins 2:26
ball. Well, I and I should say, Vic and I, we’ve known each other for 24 years, a little over 24 years, and she has worked with me in different capacities during that time, and I’m just going to credit you as being instrumental in helping us launch our school based program. We serve a number of schools and in nonprofit organizations. And because Vicki works in a school setting and her day job and had a vision for this, really it was her vision that launched our school based program. So thank you. We

Kayla Lane 3:05
kicked it off this year. We kicked it off today. Yeah, ironically, that’s right, all of our juniors took the Berkman today.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 3:13
Yep, you guys here to go. You guys are the kids. You’re seven, I think,

Vicki Weisbrod 3:17
yeah, one of the kids said, When do we get the results? And I said, you’ll have to wait till the modules are ready. So they were excited.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 3:26
And Kayla, you’ve been with me for what is it? Three and a half years. Three and a half years, so fun, and we only just met the first time in person in June, but I just hopped at her card. I’m like, it feels like we’ve known each other forever.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 3:47
Okay, my listener friends coming back in here for a little transition. So we talked for a long time, and I just want to give you the very best of what we spoke about in this episode. Out of our conversation were four themes, and I’m going to drop in here and give transitions over to the four themes and then give you the best of what we discuss. So stick with us. At the end, we’re each going to give you some parting words of advice to sum it up, so that you can support your young person in just finding their path and flourishing in life. Okay, so going into first theme was what’s really going on? It’s really about the emotional temperature for both you and your young person. Okay, let’s hear the best of what the team’s insights were for this theme. You

Lisa Marker-Robbins 4:43
So enough about us, ladies. We want to really dig into on this episode. You know, the themes of what we’re seeing is we’re supporting, I always say we’re supporting families. We’re not just we’re supporting the outcome of the young person. Yeah, but and Kayla, you probably can speak to this more than anybody. We’re really supporting the parents too, right?

Kayla Lane 5:07
Yes, correct, yeah. A lot of the parents come in overwhelmed. And you would think that it was the opposite, like the students would be overwhelmed, but it’s more of the parents feeling super overwhelmed, wondering. They just want clarity for their student. So

Lisa Marker-Robbins 5:21
I know what in the overwhelm, I often feel like it’s like, worried, right? Is, like, what’s gonna happen if they don’t launch? What does that also mean for me? I thought I was getting ready to have an empty nest, and, yeah, maybe that’s not happening as quick. I also feel like, as you’re in the inbox, and you and I have this shared special missive, missive, email tool that we use what we love. It allows us to collaborate behind the scenes on the emails. I feel like the 20 somethings take quick actions, like they get their Berkman like, and they take their Berkman right to because they’re feeling the pain of it.

Kayla Lane 6:03
Yep, you can really tell who’s ready to go. Like, they just jump in. They get their breakfast done. They’re flying through the modules. And I mean, some students, it does take a little longer, which is totally fine, because the course is designed to be at your own pace. But I think once they get into the course and see that it’s manageable, they start to then, like, really build that momentum.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 6:24
So, Vicki, what are you hearing you have some 20 somethings in your own house, just like I do. So we have personal and professional experience here. And you were, you’re just finishing up working with a student who just graduated from college without clarity. What’s coming up for you? Like, what are you seeing with those kids?

Speaker 1 6:47
Like, two of my three, actually children of my own kids, went to college, graduated and with no direction, no direction. So they did everything they were supposed to do in high school. They didn’t have any kind of guidance with regard to careers. They were definitely,

Lisa Marker-Robbins 7:07
we should say, they did not go to your high school. They did not go

Vicki Weisbrod 7:11
to my but they, you know, they had the basic stuff that that really didn’t go anywhere because high school counselors really aren’t equipped to be career counselors, and so they went to college, did great, graduated, celebrated, and then didn’t know what the heck to do with it. Neither of them, neither of those two, ended up using the degree. One struggled to find a job in his major. The other one didn’t know what she wanted to do, and I was flabbergasted that here they are. They were college graduates who worked really hard, and we spent a lot of money, and they didn’t have any idea where to go with that so but, and I think working with the kids at the high school level, and one of the reasons why we wanted to do this was because it’s always our focus just to to get them through, get them through, get them ready, find the right fit college, get an idea what it might be, but the rest is to be figured out later, and if they’re not figuring it out later, then they’re graduating with debt and frustration and that that’s parent and student so much frustration and worry and not pleasant emotions. There are no pleasant emotions. I mean, you celebrate on the day of graduation. But other than that, you’re like now, what so lots of now? What’s so?

Lisa Marker-Robbins 8:39
Yeah, my favorite question to ask that age group is, what did you think you were going to do with that major right?

Lisa Marker-Robbins 8:52
Okay, theme number two, it has to do all about communication, and this time, we’re not talking about communication between you and your young person. We’re also not talking about essays that they write or texting, but basic professional outreach on the part of your young person. We’re going to tell you what we’re noticing and how you can support without taking over by modeling and give you some actual strategies. Okay, let’s get those golden nuggets.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 9:28
I think, like a lack of confidence in students putting themselves out there. I and I know it’s hard all. It’s always been hard. You know, one of my favorite books is a 20 something treatment by Dr Meg J, highly recommend Vicki. I know you recently read it. Yes, you know, we have to take action to get traction, and it can be scary to start taking action, right? So, yes, that’s. That comes with the territory. You know, my daughter, who’s 24 and engaged to get married, was like, called me to do something about, like, one of her doctors. I’m like, I’m not doing that. You live on your own. And she’s like, well, I get to choose when I want to adult. You know, is this, they’re stuck in this in between world, right? But, like, even the cops just call the new doctor, get in, get established all the things. Well, we’re asking kids to go do informational interviews and job shadows, and I’m seeing a I feel like it’s an increased level of nervousness about putting themselves out there, but has it? Is it? No word, I don’t know. What do you guys think?

Kayla Lane 10:47
I see that more I do?

Vicki Weisbrod 10:50
You do too, even as young, yeah, I do, yeah, even from when you were doing it too at the beginning.

Kayla Lane 10:56
And I think it’s kind of like, you know, our generation, that’s whenever social media started to come out, too. So everyone’s used to being like, you know, on their phone and so to go out and meet someone face to face. You know, I even know some people who are nervous to call their doctor. They’re like, Mom, can you still call the doctor for me? So I think it’s like, just instead of texting, like, going out and meeting someone face to face, I think that there is an issue with not being confident, you know, in person.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 11:29
So it’s not just the that’s an interesting one. Caleb, because I was thinking it’s just putting yourself out there. It feels risky to get rejected, which, of course, it does, which is part of that is why we give templates for emails, how to ask for a job shadow, how to send a thank you note, things like that, not that we do it for them, but to demonstrate how it can be done correctly, but you’re tying it saying Like it’s is the in person, which

Speaker 2 12:01
you think so, even by phone, even by phone, yes and it’s Yeah,

Lisa Marker-Robbins 12:08
I think that’s why we have to keep showing up. You know, Vicki, I shared with you because it actually worked really well. I shared with you a recording with a student’s permission. Just really for like, collaboration, we collaborate all the time. All three of us are talking like every single day, right? And so collaboration is the name of the game over here. And and parents like, we collaborate with parents, you know, on behalf of kids, to help them. But I had a student. It’s the IB grad that I’m working with currently, one on one who he could not interact on anything on LinkedIn, terrified like he would. He couldn’t even give it a word. But every week I’d be like, okay, hey. So finally, I just said, Hey, could you like something on LinkedIn? And so he did. Then just like, a few things. And so then it was like, the next week, I’m like, so I saw that you like some stuff, because we’ve got to build a network, and we got to put ourselves out here. This is a kid AP, fives in high school. Went to an Ivy, did a really great study abroad in Europe. And what I did was I pulled up LinkedIn, and he had told me a story about somebody professionally that he had met on a golf course. And I said, what’s her name? And we looked her up, and I said, Oh, look, even though she lives on the other side of the country from me, because this kid doesn’t live anywhere near me. I said, Oh, look, I have people in common if they’re a second on LinkedIn. I said, Oh, she and I know some same people, and it’s not just you, by the way. And he’s like, what? I said, oh yeah. I’m like, Oh yeah, she knows so and so he’s like, how do you know that person? And then I went to that person’s page, and I started showing this, like, first, second and third degree of separation. And it gave him the confidence to go out there and start interacting. Because I just was like, Okay, we’re gonna, like, do it together. And so I think sometimes we’ve gone so far from the well, it’ll just come together in time, or let them figure it out on their own, because helicopter parenting has gotten such a bad name so as snow snow plow parenting, I mean, those are even worse than the helicopters that we’ve now vacillated so far away that we’re afraid to introduce our kid to somebody on LinkedIn, do a post on their behalf. Hey, they’re looking for a job shadow. Those are the ways we need to be supporting them. Agreed.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 14:56
Okay, next up is about the landscape of. The hiring and careers rapidly changing. We recently talked about this on episode 196 with a guest about five must know hiring trends and what you can do to support your young person. But it’s not just about how work and employment is changing. It’s about the pathways that we see diversifying and that our clients are taking in this segment, Vicki myself and Kayla share personal insights from our families that I think are going to inspire you guys as well. So let’s dive into hearing more about how these pathways are changing the role that non traditional routes are taking, and it’s not by default, and these people are thriving.

Vicki Weisbrod 15:52
From the high school counselor perspective, they’re over the years. And now, I don’t know if this is because our kids go through the course and they have better clarity, but I have seen a greater number all the time, of students choosing not, not to go to college, to either. And I think a lot of that is money. A lot of it is they realize they’re done with school. And some of it is they just are very interested in what is offered through the trades or an occasional military or, you know. So I we have our numbers are dropping for college bound four year college bound students, but I don’t think it’s because they can’t go. I think it’s because they choose not to go, you know. So I’m seeing, you know, I’m seeing more and more kids looking outside of traditional colleges, and I work at a college prep high school, so I’m not sure that the administration is thrilled with that number, but for our kids and their you know, their future is fantastic.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 16:55
You know, I always say, like, as long as it’s an informed decision, it’s rooted in information, like, then that’s good. It’s when we’re making decisions that are not rooted in information, whether it’s the the major that they put on the college application or not going to cut, like, if it’s not rooted in something, I recently did an Instagram reel, because this relates to another trend I’m seeing, and this was one of my own kids, kids starting college and not finishing, oh, yes, and my it pained me at the time my now 27 year old started school and got there and hated it. He’s very smart. He had a full tuition scholarship. He had such a great award that the college was actually cutting him a check every semester. Nice. He thought that was his to put in his pocket. I said, No, I’m still looking for room and board. Hand it over. But he made an informed decision. He didn’t fail out of college. He wasn’t doing great because he didn’t enjoy it, but he made it. And I always say, like, we got to quit calling these kids drop outs, right? If they make an informed decision to take a break and not go back, it’s, in my opinion, as long as it’s an informed decision and an intentional decision, it’s okay. And you know what he was? He was a computer engineering major when he was in college. And guess what he does for a living, computer engineering. He’s a computer systems engineer. So this fact that, yeah, you can get to some of these jobs without getting the degree, but but the college experience itself gives a lot of really great things, experiences and growth. So I’m just not frowning on any pathway. And I see people being more open to it.

Unknown Speaker 18:49
Agreed, agreed.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 18:52
Kayla, I mean, your husband didn’t go to college, right? And he’s he

Kayla Lane 18:57
started in it, and he didn’t finish. He dropped out. He didn’t finish. And he, I mean, he didn’t see that path for him. He started taking the classes like, this is something I would absolutely hate every day of my life if I kept doing this. And so, and now he, he’s, he welds now. So,

Lisa Marker-Robbins 19:16
yeah, a great trade. Yeah, absolutely so more students intentionally choosing, not because they can’t get in, but intentionally choosing the trade route that was the other when I said, You know what, we’re no longer going to talk to just parents of college bound teens. I also wanted to make sure we were embracing all educational pathways that and we teach you know, in module five, I love my my daughter in law, she is doing what I call scaffolding, so with nursing so you can become an LPN, get a job. Get your employer to pay for your RN, get your employer. Pay for your BSN, and you end up right where the person who went ahead and went to college to get a BSN in four years, it’s going to take you longer to get there. You’re not going to have the quintessential college experience, but there, you know, there’s more than one way to get there.

Lisa Marker-Robbins 20:22
You finally, and honestly, this is one that comes to mind first, but we’re going to end with it. Is what we see in our young people all the time. There’s a group of doers and there’s a group that are just deer in the headlights. So by the time graduation hits, whether that’s high school or college. We see these two groups, the doers are practicing early reps, and the deer in the headlight. They wait for permission, and we don’t want them to. So we want to talk about in this segment, little clips with how to support your young person from moving from Frozen, or maybe they’re in that fight mode with you to forward. Okay, let’s grab those segments.

Kayla Lane 21:13
I think for me, like whenever I was growing up, we had the term like, the worst they could say is no. Like, ask someone, the worst I can say is no, well now people go, Well, what if they say no? What do I do then? And I think that’s, there’s no. I think that’s the cut off for them, because, like, if someone says no, they stop. It’s like a door slammed in their face and they’re not moving forward anymore. So I think it’s just coming back from

Vicki Weisbrod 21:39
that. Yeah, I mean, and that’s in the counselor side of me. It’s the, you know, the there’s just not as much resilience with young people, and they fear that that no is the end all be all. They don’t realize that that’s just one in a series of nos. So, yeah, hopefully the pendulum will swing back. The other way. I’m not sure

Lisa Marker-Robbins 22:08
one thing I’ve noticed, and I wonder about you guys and Vicki, you might have some input on here because of a comment you just made about your school population when families are faced with college application deadlines or things like that, there can be a little bit more, and they have to. They all of a sudden they realize, like their kids going to have to, or they’re in the middle of writing the why? Why this major? Why am I applying to this major? But we, we’re up against a deadline. So we do something. One thing I’ve noticed is kids who are going are the non college bound or or there’s another category I call the college curious. I feel like those families feel like they’ve got all the time in the world, and then their kid doesn’t go to college and they’re still at home, you’re still slitting the bill, and they’re doing a what I call a job, not a career, and then it’s like, oh my gosh. And so they think they have the luxury of time, because there’s not an application college application deadline, but some of these trade programs are super competitive to get into. And I don’t know Kayla was the welding competitive to get into when that one wasn’t okay,

Vicki Weisbrod 23:34
yeah, yeah. I think at our school, the kid the families, get very caught up in our culture of college applications. I do think there’s some that probably should choose a different route, but they just, you know, that’s just what everybody’s doing. Are perceived everybody’s doing. But yeah, the ones that we well, because we’ve been doing the course now for several years. We, yeah, it’s hard for me to speak on that, because they do seem to be able, many, many, more than ever before, able to answer those questions about what major they’ve thought about it, they’ve done the research. And so it’s, it’s hard for me to say about that, yeah, not specifically because, but I do see, you know, even the ones that don’t have the dreaded November 1 deadline, they, you know, they act like they’ve got all the time in the world. So, and they do, but they need to start thinking about

Lisa Marker-Robbins 24:41
it. Finally, we all have some words of parting advice for you, so I’m gonna let Kayla and Vicki get it started, and then I’m gonna dive in with what I want to leave you with on this 200th episode.

Vicki Weisbrod 24:59
Well. It’s funny, if you’d asked me that, you know, before my kids were older, I think I would have had completely different advice, because, you know, and I it’s just you, they’re there. I just, I feel like, especially as a counselor, you just got to let them, you support them, you coach them, you love them, you encourage, you push. But I think you keep the open. Lines of communication open. It’s it can be tumultuous. I think it can be it can be you have expectations. They have expectations. They don’t meet them, you don’t meet them, and it can be rocky. And so I think you just have to go in. My son would kill me for saying this, but I remember, you know, he wasn’t the best to potty train. Okay? He just wasn’t, you know. And Kayla, you Well, yours are three and five now, so you can. But I thought, oh, and I thought to myself, I just reminded myself, he he’ll go, he’ll figure it out. He won’t be a grown up and not be potty trained, you know. But at the at the time, you’re like, Oh, I’m a failure as a parent, yeah, you know, yeah. I feel like in this process, even though there’s so much more at stake, you almost have to take the same approach. It’s like, you know, you guide them, you give them the tools, you encourage them to use them. You know they are going to make their own mistakes. They are going to fail. That does make them better humans. You just, you just have to keep picking up the pieces, I think, and

Lisa Marker-Robbins 26:33
either a soft place to land, right?

Speaker 1 26:36
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Kayla, did you have one that would be my advice. I

Kayla Lane 26:41
love it. I think from a student standpoint, it’s important for them to, like, understand themselves, so I think that’s something that they should focus on, because it’s amazing how quickly the shift happens whenever you finally understand yourself, even if it’s through like the Berkman or the course, or whatever it is, from that uncertainty to curiosity of okay, now I see this piece of myself on this piece of paper. Where is that? And then that’s going to help them start to make those connections. And then it’s like digging into the self awareness, yeah, and I think for the parent side to let them kind of take ownership for a minute, and then kind of like, how you were saying earlier, like, instead of asking, what’s your plan? Ask, like, what are you learning about yourself? And then that changes that tone for them, so that it, like shifts that mindset for them moving forward, yeah,

Lisa Marker-Robbins 27:42
I would say as early as possible, be intentional about creating space to define the end, like reverse engineer it. I mean, it’s as simple as, like, I know every day I want to be at my desk by nine. 9am right? And some days, this hair is going to get washed and dried. That takes a lot more time. Some days my workout is a 15 minute workout. Some days is a 39 minute workout. Some days, Kayla, we wake up, we have a work emergency that you or I need to deal with, but I reverse engineer, how I get to nine o’clock for every little piece of my morning, and in a much larger scale, reverse engineer, the launch. So, you know, Kayla says, Hey, these, this three and five year old, they’re gonna, I intend for them to be in their own place, if possible, by 20 right? That can be the intent, and now we reverse engineer that right, and you’re even doing little things right now to help help get them there, because we are. And this is what that episode two of the podcast was about. We are raising adults. We are raising them to be adults, not we are not raising kids and giving them the skills. So create the space be intentional. It takes intention and attention to get to that spot that you’re trying to define for your your end goal, and then just reverse engineer it, right? So

Unknown Speaker 29:19
that’s good. Works?

Lisa Marker-Robbins 29:26
Well, first of all, I want to thank Vicki and Kayla for joining me. It was a lot of fun. We have a great team that I am so grateful for. And I just want to leave you with some parting words. When your young person has clarity, I hope you hear that confidence is going to follow. So if our conversation sparked up, hey, we got to get cussling. We got to get moving, to get momentum, I’d love to invite you into our launch Career Clarity. Course, it’s built for ages 15 to 25 no matter what stage you’re at, and it gives your family your. Young person, a step by step framework to go from uncertain to on track with both coaching monthly with us and community. You know, we’re all better doing it together. You’re not in this alone inside the course your teen or young adult will connect with who they are with real career options and then move on to validate those paths in the real world, so you both have confidence before you reverse engineer into the education and experiences that fit to get them to the target career, parents get guidance on how to support without overtaking too it’s a family journey, after all, to get these kiddos launched, join us at flourish, coachingco.com, forward slash, course, or use the link in the show notes. I’m really grateful that you celebrated this episode 200 with all of us, and if you found it helpful, I’m going to ask that you share it with a friend who maybe needs a little bit of hope that their teen or young adult will launch well also, I’m Lisa Marco Robbins, and I’ll see you soon for episode 201 you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai